November 8th will be one year since my back surgery, but I had my "one year" appointment with the surgeon on October 22nd, as he had to change his surgery schedule. As per usual, I made the 30 minute drive to the spine center, then waited to be seen for 50 minutes, only to talk to the actual doctor for 10 minutes. I'd been stressing over this appointment for weeks. In the waiting room, an older lady sat with the "So You're Getting Back Surgery" booklet they give out at this office. She was fidgety, and at least as nervous as me.
"Have you been coming here long?" She finally spit out to me, "Do you like the doctors here?"
I set down what I was reading, and reassured her that this was a great office, and that even though the surgeon is young, he's very capable and knowledgeable. But she still looked so nervous, and I completely understood.
"My surgery was a year ago come November. I had a fusion and laminectomy, do you have any questions?"
She perked up, "Really? I'm supposed to get a fusion too, you don't mind?"
"Sure, wanna see my scar?"
"Yeah!"
So I showed a complete stranger my surgery scar, and she asked me a slew of questions about my surgery. By the end, she was much more relaxed, and even laughed while telling me about her kids (3 grown sons in the army; they'll take turns helping her after her surgery.) By the time they called me back to an examination room, she'd thanked me no less than 3 times, and we wished each other luck. Never got each other's names though, now that I'm thinking about it.
The exam room was less fun, because despite doctors telling me not to sit for long periods of time, just this month I've had 2 doctor's appointments where I waited in rooms with only chairs, for well over 30 minutes. You'd think they'd at least have a place to lie at the spine center, but you'd be wrong.
Finally the surgeon came in. "So, one year! How are you doing?"
I didn't want to be a jerk, but I also didn't want to lie. So I told the truth: my vertebra no longer slips and slides and pinches, and I've gained a lot of stability and strength. But....I'm still in a lot of pain. I've got nerve pain down my legs still, which we were hoping would be resolved. I still use a cane, because even with some stability returning, I'm not very sure on my feet, and definitely can't walk without it for very long. Essentially, I don't have much of a life, because I have to constantly work around my spine's best efforts to crush me and my life to oblivion. (I mean, I didn't word it quite like that.)
He nodded as he listened, and I finally got the question out that I'd been stressing over all week,
"Is this as good as it's going to get? Is there anything I can do? Cause I don't have a great quality of life right now."
He actually sat down (he'd been looming over me up to this point) and explained more. My xrays are perfect, but basically since the surgery I've "been healing excruciatingly slowly." I concurred. He went on to say that I hadn't really even made much progress in my healing until I hit the 6 month post surgery mark(??!!)
He basically said that I have to continue to be patient, because I am making progress healing- it's just going a LOT slower than the average person. Why? He literally shrugged, "people heal differently." He also told me I'm allowed to exercise (using physical therapy approved exercises) daily, and that may help me heal slightly faster than molasses in January. As for the nerve pain, it's 50/50 or whether it'll heal, or just be permanently damaged.
So on one hand, I'm glad there's a possibility for improvement. I was very nervous that this was going to be the best I could hope for, and it's not ideal. On the other hand, I've been trying to be patient about my body falling apart for 4 years now, and being told that I have to be patient another year is not great to hear. So here we go again, another loop around the sun. Another year to fight my body back on who's in charge here. If nothing else, I helped one woman in the waiting room feel better. So I've got that going for me, which is nice.
